I Might Be Overreacting...

If you read my blog on a regular basis you would know that my 18th birthday was on Saturday. It is now 4 days later and I have yet to receive a single birthday card from ANYONE! Scratch that, I got one birthday card from my Dad's mom, one from my Dad, and one from my Mom. However, I have yet to get a single birthday wish from my other grandparents, my 2 aunt's on my mom's side and my 3 aunt's on my dad's side. That's 6 people that forgot my birthday. I've always been very touchy about my birthday because usually what happens is people hand me a gift (always appreciated) and try to pass it off as a Birthday/Christmas present. Listen, I understand money is always tight around the holidays and you might not be able to afford 2 gifts for me. But this is not about the gifts. I'm not that materialistic..honestly. This is about acknowledging that the BIRTH OF CHRIST and MY BIRTHDAY are not the same. I'm flattered that you'd like to lump my birthday into such an amazing holiday such as Christmas, but they're not the same in case you didn't know. How about for your birthday..whenever it is..I give you a hug and say.."HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! Oh where's your present...don't you remember..I gave it to you on Christmas!" You'd probably be pretty dang pissed! Ya maybe now you know how I feel. Now usually my family doesn't have this issue. NORMALLY they are very good about differentiating between the 2. But apparently this year, the year that marks my 18 years of existence, they decided to forget! With my family usually I get all my birthday cards/presents on the same day we do our Christmas gift exchanges. But here I am empty handed. What the freak family! Oh wait..just now I checked my mail and I got a birthday card..with nothing in it..but it's the thought that counts I suppose. Gah..I'm trying to be a good sport about this, but honestly people..I'm poor, $15 would've been greatly appreciated for something like my 18th Birthday!

Sheesh ok I've vented. Now you can leave a lovely little comment and tell me if I'm overreacting or not.

Sleep Deprived

Lately I have been getting like no sleep. I stay up till about 2 or 3 every night, wake up and work my life away, then do it all over again. I've been more tired than usual, but not completely exhausted...untill now. Shelby is leaving for a week..what am I going to do without her. So we decided to hang out, but she had to work so I went with her. We were originally going to hang out at 9, which isn't that early. But then she informed me she'd be picking me up around 7. And I like the genius I am, stayed up till 3 in the morning. It was worth it, I would've rather been hanging out till 3 rather than sleeping, but now its catching up with me. I'm so tired right now I can barely keep my eyes open. I need to catch a second wind or drink some mt. dew or something. Especially because today is New Years Eve and I honestly don't even know if I'll be able to make it to midnight. I might have time for a nap today..if I don't shower. So my options are sleep or go to Chey's smelling like dirty truckers. Haha. Funny stuff right thur. Ok I'm getting off so Shelby and I can go cause some trouble. WHOOP

50 Bloggy Recap

So yesturday I posted my 50th blog..finally. And i was going to do this for the 50th but I felt what I actually posted was more important. So I'm going to do the recap today instead. I don't wanna bore anyone to bad by talking about things that I've already talked about so instead I'm going to see if I can sum up each blog in just one sentence. Tricky. Ok here we go on our trip down memory lane..weeee............

1. My post about how sucky DI was but all the amazing friends I found there.

2. The video I made for my Lindsey's birthday and how much I miss her.

3. My outlook on life..very uplifting, I forgot about his post.

4. This was my "be more Christ-like post" that I'm still working on..yikes.

5. The story of telling me co-workers I'm mormon and being so dang proud of it..still am btw :)

6. I posted this while we were hanging out at mitch's..Shelby and I always blogged at his house for some odd reason.

7. Post about getting tipped..that never happens anymore..dang it.

8. I was reallly upset this night because someone who was supposed to be my "best friend" wasn't talking to me even though he promised he would.

9. OHHH this was one of my boy slump posts..haha if you read this and then read my post from last night it all kind of clicks.

10. The night we had Halloween on Christmas..that was fun.

11. I was so frustrated with my stupid boss for trying to justify working on Sundays..he still tries to justify it btw.

12. America's Next Top Model post..whish people are still trying to talk me into doing..and I'm still considering.

13. Where my nickname of "fresh and easy" came from and the post confirming Shelby's fatness..haha just kidding Shelby.

14. Pictures of our amazing soccer field cake for Shelby's nephew.

15. Another boy slump post, I wasn't trying to be whiny I sweat.

16. The realization I had that if I was patient the perfect guy would come to me (sometimes I can be so smart ^_^)

17. A list of goals that I actually accomplished..GO ME!

18. The night Shelby and I went to the temple when it was closed!

19. The night I made out with a guy and thought something would come of it..pshh I was stupid.

20. Missing Lindsey again.

21. The conversation where my idiot ex told me to be a stripper so I could make more money.

22. My prediction of the Twilight movie and Shelby's blog commercial.

23. Some tidbits of amazing advice my best friends give me..thanks guys :)

24. The blog I posted to the naive people who use the phrase "Just have faith" when it's not necessary..and trust me, it's not always necessary.

25. The fun night we had with Blair and Matthew.

26. My post about Kiwi, which I've been craving again!

27. The horrible song Addicted by Saving Abel..so good..unless you get the unedited version..YIKES!

28. An extremely long post about many things, mainly the lady cussing me out at work..ya that still happens..a lot!

29. Kids ruin everything..this still applies.

30. This is the post about how boring my life is.

31. This post has lots and lots of pictures of random things.

32. Mac and Cheese is disgusting and Pasta-Roni is still 485729345 times better...I had it today for lunch :)

33. The night I thought I was going to get kidnapped but got brownie points for doing something nice.

34. HAHAHA the night I got pissed at Chey for ditching me...and the first post he read I guess..bummer lol.

35. The next day when I woke up still mad at him..oops.

36. The retaliation story to Blair for kicking me out of his house.

37. My puzzle mania that I ended up never finishing because the cats kept knocking the peices off the table.

38. The night I had off work and sat around doing absolutely nothing.

39. My class schedule.

40. The blog I wrote to my "blog stalker" who got caught!

41. Work sucks.

42. The night I broke my rule...but let me tell you people..it was SOOOOO worth it :)

43. The night I couldn't figure out why I'm here and what exactly I stand for. (I figured it out btw)

44. My many problems that were all solved within hours!

45. The night my family got in a huge fight..it happens.

46. This post was about how lucky I am that I found the church again before I really messed up my life.

47. Movie night..and the first time I actually wrote Chey's name in my blog.

48. My birthday that was so amazing and the first one in a long time that I wasn't upset at all.

49. My soundtrack life..the songs I gave to different people and why.

50. My realization to the boy slump!!!!

Good Things Come To Those Who Wait

So here's a little background about me

2 years ago I met a guy. The instant I saw him I thought, "Look at this weirdo, I would never date him." 3 months later we were dating and I fell for him. I fell for him hard. I was convinced that he would be the one I would marry. I was so incredibly happy!..Untill we broke up. I was crushed, absolutely heart broken, but I didn't give up. I knew without a shadow of a doubt that he was and always would be the one and that he was just a teenager and to immature to realize that. So I kept the faith I had in us for 2 years. I was everything he needed me to be. I was a friend, a girl friend, I even went so low as to be a hook up. I lowered all my expectations so if he even acknowledged me I would be giddy for weeks. I was happy when he payed attention and devasted if he didn't. We were on and off but I always stuck around. I was a mess. And I never let myself move on. I told myself there would never be anyone better and eventually believed that. He would tell me to move on though, and wanting to please him (or make him jealous) I would try. I had a few flings, but they were never enough. So I started hooking up with guys just to "have fun". All it did was make me feel awful though. I wanted someone to love me for me, and I wanted to love someone. So I gave up on the guy. But I still didn't move on. Even though I was through with him no one seemed good enough. My friends told me I was being too picky and if I kept being so picky I would end up alone. I just couldn't let myself believe that though. I knew that I would find someone that was everything I wanted. Even if I didn't find my "soul mate" I knew I'd find someone that I wouldn't have to lower my standards for. Those 2 years were long. I hated being alone, but I dealt with it so that I could wait for someone who was..well..worth waiting for. And I think it's happened. I've finally met someone that's everything I want and more. Everytime I talk to him he says something that makes me realize what a perfect fit he is. I'm not saying I'm in love or I'm going to end up with him forever, but I know I met him for a reason, and I feel so lucky. I haven't been this happy in a long time. I just hope that I can be for him what he is for me. I hope I can be everything he wants and make him happy. This whole thing really does just prove to me that good things do come to those who wait. :)

My Soundtrack Life

If you really truly know me then you would know that music is a must in my life. I'm constantly looking for new music to listen to and dowloading like a mad woman. A few days ago I got my new Ipod that can hold a life time supply of music and a thing for my car so I can listen to all my favorite stuff anywhere. Well while I was in the car tonight I was listening to some songs that are really pulling me in lately. Then I realized that life does have a soundtrack (at least mine does). I'm constantly running songs through my head through out the day. Usually, in fact almost always, the songs that become my favorites are because of the lyrics. I'm a lyric kind of person. I listen to the meaning of the song, and that's what I like. So while my soundtrack was playing I started to realize that the people in my life all have songs that play in my head when I think about them. That's why I have decided to let you all in on your song. I don't mean to offend anyone by doing this, if you don't like your song then I'm sorry, but it's my life and I'll give you whatever song I think suits you. And if you didn't catch the hint before, your song is assigned to you because of lyrics.

Shelby: Man! I Feel Like A Woman Shania Twain
Shelby is seriously one of my rolemodels. She's so strong and independent in everything she does. She does things because they make her happy, but at the same time she's so concious of everyone else's needs. She always up for a good time and she's not afraid to speak her mind. She stands up for what she believes in even if it means telling someone off. And she has confidence to boot. She's probly reading that last sentence shaking her head, but seriously Shelby, you can do things I can't even dream of doing.

Lindsey: True Friend Hannah Montana
K seriously I'm sure you're all making fun of me for putting up a song by a disney star, but if you listen to the lyrics in this song it's seriously just like our friendship. She's been there even when everyone else left. Yes I admit that for a time I wasn't the best friend I could be, but instead of abandoning me in my time of need she helped me pull through. I can laugh and cry and be a complete idiot in front of her and she'd still be there no matter what. She's the kind of friend that would risk anything for me. Thanks Linds :)

Chey: Crush David Archuleta
This has been your song for a while now actually. I have no idea why, but it reminds me of you completely. I feel so lucky to have met someone like you. And even though I don't think you believe me I really do think you're an amazing guy.

All my ex's: Gives You Hell The All-American Rejects
This is the best ex song I've heard in a long time. I think that almost everyone feels this way. Even if your the best of friends with an ex, deep deep down everyone wants to feel like like they're ex still wants them even a little bit. And even though most of the time they do end up finding someone better than you, no one wants to think that. Because honestly, none of my ex's will find anyone like me and I hope when they see me they realize that and it gives them hell.

My Theme Song: Defying Gravity Wicked Soundtrack
Yes I even gave myself a theme song. This is an amazing song. If you've never really seen the play you might not get the beginning, but the end is amazing no matter what. My favorite line is "AND NOBODY IN ALL OF OZ, NO WIZARD THAT THERE IS OR WAS, IS EVER GONNA BRING ME DOWN!" Basically I'd like to think of this is my motto. I've spent a lot of time lately evaluating myself and what I stand for. For a long time I let people push me around and treat me like a nothing, but I've learned from that. And nobody in all the WORLD, no one that I know now or that I'll meet down the road, is ever gonna bring me down. I'm strong, I'm here, and I won't step down for anything.

My Busy Birthday

Today was the day of my birth. Yes 18 years ago today I came into this world. So the day started off with a little shopping spree with my mom. This is a tradition we've been doing since I was 10. Every year we go out and I spend all the money I got from Christmas and my Birthday. This year I wasn't in much of a shopping mood though. But I ended up getting a new dress, shoes, and purse. After that we came home and got ready as fast as we could for our 7 p.m. reservation at Benihana. If you have never heard of this place or if you just haven't been there I strongly encourage you to check it out. It's a little pricey but so so worth it. I'm telling you people it's amazingness on a plate. So everyone got all dressed up which was so nice because we really didn't have to but they did for me :) Then we went and ate. While we were eating like seriouslly 6 people were sang happy birthday to. Well we finished our meal and no one had come to sing to me. (thank goodness) Then out of nowhere I here the song. Oh geez. My mom had told them it was my birthday when she made the reservation so there was no way I was gettin out of the song. It was good tho. Then we walked back to the car. On the way to the car we were walking through the casino and all these dudes kept staring at me. Out of no where my mom yells out "JAIL BAIT!" I started laughing and turned to her and informed her of the sad fact that I am no longer jail bait. However I am not up for grabs. Nope Nope Nope. Sorry fellas. So after that we came home and Chey came over! YAY! I'm so glad I was able to see him on my birthday. It made the whole day that much better. Except he found my weak spot. Yes I have a weak spot. I actually have a few and I try to keep them a secret for as long as possible because once people find out I'm done for. I'm like putty in their hands. So now I'm putty. Soft mushy moldable putty. And I'm sitting in the palm of his hand. Awesome right?!?! HAHA.

Oh YA! One more thing. I got locked out of my house tonight. Fantastic right. Grr. Not fantastic.

But still today was amazing.

HOORAY!

So today was intersting to say the least. I woke up to my mother informing me that because my brother wasn't home I was going to have to do all his chores. YAY FOR ME! After that I went to go get my nails done. While I was there the guy that was doing them told me it was his birthday! Only a day before mine! Then right after that I heard on the radio that the artist of one of my favorite songs is turning 18..on the 27th. HELLO! We were totally born on the same day! How awesome! No wonder I love his music so much. It's a soul to soul birthday connection. Then I came home and went back out to Best Buy. Let me tell you..I hate Best Buy. Well the one by my house anyways. I looked totally crappy and my ex works there not to mention I used to work there so everyone knows me. Awesome right? Wrong. So I snuck out of there and went to Curcuit City. Then I came home and my mom sent me back out. GAH! She wanted me to find a pan that doesn't exist. So when I couldn't find it I came home with what I thought would make a good substitute. (There's a Lot of T's in that word.) Well I was wrong. It wasn't a good substitute so we ate frozen lasagna instead. (Does anyone else ever wonder why there's a G in lasagna?) Which I didn't even eat because I went to the movies. Ok so you might be asking yourself..Wait Alix don't you work your life away on Fridays? Why yes, I do, but I decided to take the day off so I could spend my night with Chey and be happy instead of spending it at work and being sad. So even though I faked sick (a migraine to be exact) it was well worth it and I would do it again. This is what happened while I was not at work. We (we being Me, Chey, Shelby, and Danielle) decided to go see a movie at Aliante. haha Not smart but I wasn't spotted so its ok. Seriously not 5 seconds after I sit down Shelby leans over and says, "Well hurry up and hold his hand!" Sheesh! So I did. Then the movie got over and we walked like retards out. It was fun, we had a good laugh. Then I went the Chey's. That was fun. I picked out a stinky movie. (There Chey I'm admitting it..happy!..ya I bet you are! LOL) K really I think the movie is funny, but he complained so I guess I'm fired at picking movies. But I fired him last week, so who knows who's gonna pick the movies from now on. Anyways, like a 1/4 of the way through the movie I got hungry so we went to taco bell. That was exciting I suppose lol. As exciting as Taco Bell can be anyways. So then I raced home so I wouldn't be late for curfew and I made it YAY! So now techinically it is my birthday. My 18th birthday. I'm hoping it will be good altho my last couple birthdays have been stinkers. My plan is to get up and go shopping with my mom (the usually for the past 8 years) then go to dinner at a restaurant I can't spell but is A-M-A-Z-I-N-G then hopefully spend some time with Chey. Hey have you noticed by now that I'm acutally using his name instead of ****. Yes I'm making a fantastic improvement aren't I?!?! Yes I know. So all in all today was a very good day. :)

P.S. Chey I will find a way to sneak that $20 into your pocket (to repay you for taco bell since it was my crazy hunger impulse that caused you to spend your hard earned money) or car or wallet or somewhere where you'd least expect it. Not so much cuz I care about it that much but because you challenged me by saying I couldn't do it, so now I have to haha.

P.S.S. Thank you for the movie and the Taco Bell :)

P.P.S.S. YOUR FACE IS AMAZING! (by far not ugly!!!)

Happy

Lately this has been the only thing i've been feeling. Just happy. I have so much to be grateful for and so many reasons to be happy. I had a great Christmas and I was able to give my mom a good Christmas which is really all I wanted this year. I have amazing friends and I'm so glad I met them. I look back on the person I was and often wonder where I'd be if I had never come back to the church. For all I know I could've ended up pregnant at 17 and dropping out of high school. But I didn't. I have a new group of friends that are unlike any people I've ever known. I've never felt so surrounded by love. My mom is starting to come back into the church and that makes me happy. I went from thinking I would have none of my family there to share my wedding day with me to having my mother, my strongest support system and my best friend, taking the steps to be able to go to the temple with me. Tomorrow I'm going to be 18 and as I remeber my sixteenth birthday only 2 years ago I think of how my life has changed. I have millions of reasons to be happy and thankful and that's exactly what I am.

Home is where the heart is..ya and pigs can fly

Maybe for everyone else this statement is true, but it couldn't be more wrong in my life. I'm a victim of a disfunctional family. My parents are alcoholics, my grandma disowned one of her daughters 20 years ago, my aunt can't go 5 seconds without bringing someone down, and my brother and I are enemies. Family functions are a mess because no one wants to be there and they end in tears more then hugs. Tonight I came home after the worst shift of my life and just wanted to sit on the couch and relax. But no, now I'm sitting here in tears because I just got blamed for ruining everything. All because I got upset because my selfish brother through my clean clothes on the floor for all our animals to sit on. He started a fight with my mom and she told me if I hadn't come home none of this would've happened. Thanks family, I love you too.

I Have Problems....

Here are my problems.

1. It does not feel like Christmas to me. No need to really explain this, you can guess how this would obviously be a problem.

2. Right now..like right this very second I am sad. I have absolutely no idea why. Because let me tell you I have absolutely no reason to be sad at all. I'm actually very very happy for the first time in a while. So maybe I'm not actually sad, maybe I just need to cry. Like watch a sad movie and cry. I think I'll go watch Charlotte's Web cuz let me tell you that movie gets me everytime. So does Bridge to Terrabithia (I think that's how you spell it.) Those movies seriously make me bawl (not just cry) everytime I watch them. I turn them on and tell myself, "Ok today I'm not gonna cry!" and then the next thing I know I'm bawling like a baby. WHAT THE CRAP!

3. A few weeks ago my best friend told me she made plans for New Year's Eve. Well, I haven't seen her in 6 months and at the time I had planned on saving that night to hang out with her. So I (like an idiot) made her cancel all her plans so we could hang out. Well here I am 3 weeks later with plans. I was invited to a party (but more of like a family party I think) at ****'s house. Obviously I want to go and I said yes like a retard because ****'s amazing smile sucked me in and made me forget I ever had plans. So basically I have the following options: Tell **** I can't go and hang out with my best friend (which is obviously a smart choice if I want to continue my friendship..ho's before bro's) or ditch my friend and go to the party (hahaha this won't happen I'm just stating it) or ask **** if I can please bring my friend with altho that would make me feel horrible for intruding! GAH. Problems. Insane.

4. Obviously if your to this part of the blog you read number 3. So then you probly noticed I kept referring to someone as ****. Well this is because I'm not sure exactly what to call him. I don't want to put his name on my blog (because I don't really like putting names in my blog). But I'm not keeping him a secret. In fact I'd like to tell everyone who it is because I feel lucky. But I also don't want to put his name in my blog and freak him out. Cuz for all I know maybe he doesn't want anyone to know he's associating with me. Well, as I have mentioned before I worry..sometimes a lot. So right now I'm worried. This is my worrying stage. This is the stage in between getting to know someone and actually forming the bf/gf title. I hate this stage because I don't want to be a retard and actually ask what we are. But I always do anyways because I always worry about it. Even though it's just a title I usually feel the need to have it. This is because I have been scarred. You see, not so long ago I was "dating" someone. Basically we were just making out. And he would tell me that we couldn't have the title and when I would try and argue he would just say..why does the title matter. Then out of no where when I was least expecting it he ended up with a girlfriend. She got the title..what the crap was the matter with me that I couldn't have the title. So I got heart broken and he got a girlfriend. Nice trade right. Well that is why I like titles. Yes of course with a title a guy can still break up with you for another girl, but at least you would have closure and you wouldn't feel like a complete idiot. That's just how I feel. So anyways...back to ****. If we had the title it would for some odd reason make me feel better and then I would put my name in his blog. Heck I'd probably even put it on facebook. But with no title that's a no go. So I guess for now its ****.

5. I would really like to blog about ****, but again I'm freaken out about that. I have a nasty habit of getting attached to people and then they bail. So my only defense is to keep everything about the person underwraps for a little bit. You see, if I start talking about **** and how I'm feeling and all that, with my luck he will read it, totally freak out, and bail. Then what am I supposed to do?

Ok so for those of you reading this I probably sound either really whiny (for freaking out over probably nothing) or I sound really emo. Well I'm really not either. These are just the things on my mind that go with the title. I am emmensly happy with life right now. If things keep going the way they are going I will never be sad again. I'm just afraid things won't go the way I want them to. I know I worry and I know I'm retarded for doing it, but I can't help it. Not only is this just who I am, but I've also learned very harsh lessons from people in my past. I'm tired of being hurt.

So those are my problems as of this moment. Hopefull they will be resolved very soon.

I Just Keep On Blogging

K I know this is my 2 post today but I felt compelled to write another one. Have you ever stared at yourself for so long your face becomes all jumbled up. You know its you but you feel like your not even looking at yourself. That's how I feel right now. I look at pictures of myself and I think back to the person I was during those times and I feel a ton on different things. Confusion being one of them. Why was I that kind of person then? I wonder this quite often. And when I look at my old pictures and then people I used to hang out with I often wonder where I'd be know if it hadn't been for certain people. Sometimes I look at myself and I wonder if I can live up to the expectations that people have of me. It's like they look at me and expect me to achieve something I'm not capable of. Or do people look at me and think I'm less of the person I really am. Maybe I'm not living up to my own expectations. All I know is I'm about to hit a breaking point. It won't be dramatic in fact I know it will be very subtle, but it's going to be big enough to set myself up for the rest of my life and determine that kind of person I'll soon become.

Broken Rules

About a month ago I came to the realization that I was in a place I didn't wanna be in. You see I am a relationship kind of girl. I like being with one person. I do not like dating around and altho dates are fun I try to avoid the whole date with a new guy every weekend thing. Well for a while I was having terrible luck in the boy department. So I decided to go with the flow of what everyone else was doing instead of following my heart. So I did the date around thing. I was a playa. HAHA not really, but I went on as many dates as I could with a bunch of different guys. It was fun untill I decided to go into the hook up phase. It was superficially fun. On the service it looked like I was enjoying the fact that I was single and able to kiss who ever I wanted. But everytime I kissed someone my heart broke a little more. I felt like I was never good enough for someone to like me, I was only a hookup. Obviously no one wants to feel that way. So one day not too long ago I went to hang out with someone I've known and liked for a while. We sat in my car for almost 3 hours and talked, but we both knew what was going to evetually happen that night. I'm going to put it out there that I did not want to kiss him, only because I did like him and I knew if I kissed him nothing would come of it. But I tricked myself into thinking that maybe if I did kiss him he would see the light and maybe we would end up dating. As soon as I got home that night I knew I had made a mistake. Nothing was going to happen with this boy and my self esteem was crushed again. I had been doing the hookup scene for so long I had convinced myself that guys would not like me if I wasn't making out with them. Finally I opened my eyes and realized I was being an idiot. So that night I signed a contract with myself. I told myself I would not kiss anyone unless I was dating them. This way I would know the guy liked me for me.

Now I'm sure your wondering how the title of this blog ties into this. Well I've been talking to a guy and things have been going great. He's such a great guy. Well last night we were hanging out and I knew what was comin. Everyone told me I would break my rule and even though I said i wouldn't I knew I would. So last night when I walked him out it happened and I broke my rule.

I'm not gonna lie when I say I'm not totally upset that I broke my rule because I'm not. But I can't help worrying a little. That's just how I am, I worry. But still. I broke my rule because I'm hoping that I won't regret it. I'm hoping that I didn't break if for nothing. But the worry side of me is questioning my better judgement. What if I did break my rule and I'll regret it? Scary thought right. Gah..Ya I know. Well for now I guess I'll just see what happens, there's no point in worrying right this second.

Work Sucks

end of story

Alright, Listen You!!!

I know that you are reading my blog! I know you are! You think you can trick me but I'm smarter than you think. The only place I posted my schedule was in this blog and you slipped up by revealing yourself. But maybe you slipped up on purpose..hmm...it's possible but much to mind boggling for me to think about right now. Well fine then. If your gonna read my blog then maybe I'll give you what you want..or maybe I won't..maybe I'll let you wonder around my blog and find the post that talks about you. That would be funny. But I won't do that to you. I hope you enjoy reading my blog. Now I feel stupid because I put a bunch of super embarrassing things on here! And now you know some of my deep dark secrets and you didn't even tell me! GAH! Thanks. Alright here's the deal.
>
>>
>>>
>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>
>>>
>>
>
>>
>>>
>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>
>>>
>>
>
>>
>>>
>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>
>>>
>>
>

Once upon a time there was a girl named..umm..well her name doesn't really matter. And there was a boy named..well his name doesn't matter either. They met over the summer on a fun little vacation. They didn't really talk much though. A few weeks after that vacation the girls best friend had a birthday party and the boy showed up. She put on her nicest smile and flirted all night. She tried to get the boys number, but he saw through her tricks and wouldn't give it to her. But the girl wouldn't give up. She went to a friend who had the boys number and got it from him. There was a problem though. The boy had a girlfriend. But the girl texted him anyways and decided they could at least become friends. They lost touch though and didn't talk for a few months. Then suddenly out of no where the boy texted the girl. She was excited and talked to him for the day. She went to bed that night happy that the boy texted her, but she knew that they probably wouldn't talk for a while. Suprisingly the boy texted her again the next day. She was so excited to be talking to him! They talked everyday for weeks. Then the girl decided she wanted to see the boy. After many failed attempts they finally were able to hang out. When she saw him she thought he was even cuter than when they first met. She was glad she got to see him again, but still wondered if anything was going to come of this. About a week later she asked the boy to hang out again. He said yes and came over to watch movies. Soon the 2 were quite comfortable on the couch together and the girl was very happy. Make that very very happy. She went to bed that night with butterflies in her stomach and a smile on her face. She dreamed of what the future might hold for the girl and the boy. She was falling for him and hoped he felt the same.

I'd like to give the ending to this story, but I don't know what the ending is yet. Hopefully I can get back to you. But in the mean time....To Be Continued.

YAY YAY YAY!!!!!!!

I have been trying to register for classes at UNLV since October. After many many complications I logged on today with the shocking reality that I could register! YAY! So now I'm all set for my first semester of college!

Here's my schedule:

Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday
Class from 10-1

Thursday class from 10-5

:) It works with my job and I won't have to get up really early!

WOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GAHHHHHHHHHH!

So today is Tuesday, but it's my Friday! I was so excited to have the next 2 days off but so not looking forward to going to work. Well something amazing happened and my boss gave me the day off! YAY but that left me with nothing to do and so now I'm bored out of my mind. Even though I want to be doing something right now I don't feel like showering either so I don't want to go out. So I was going to work on my jigsaw puzzle all night, but I can't do that either. You see I put my puzzle in a really inconveniant spot and it kills my back to sit there and work on it. Plus I'm not in the right mind set so I'm not even getting any pieces together. I thought about going to sleep because that makes time pass by faster, but if I go to sleep now I will wake up at midnight and be wired. Trust me this happens all the time. So for now I'm blogging not because I have a whole lot to say but because I have absolutely nothing better to do. I really want to eat because I do that a lot when I'm bored but we don't have any good food in my house (which is probably good) I have nothing good to do with my life because for the first time in forever I got up early and didn't go back to sleep. Really I shouldn't be whining about having nothing to do because as I look around my room I can see tons of things to do. But oh well! I realized in my boredom that commercials suck butt! Which is why channel surfing is good. While I was channel surfing I was texting, but my house doesn't get great service in the living room. The service is fine in my room so I really wanted to watch tv in there but I don't have a remote in there. So I either had to give up textings to avoid commercials or put up with commercials to text. The commercials won and I gave up texting. Also I've decided I have like no life. All day everyday I visit a total of 5 websites which include Facebook, Blogspot, UNLV, AOL, and occasionally an outside website which lately has comsisted of the website to read Midnight Sun. My life is boring. I barely even google anything anymore! Sheesh! But that reminds me I could go read to waste time, but I probably won't. So I'm glad I got tonight off because anything is better than work but I have learned my lesson and my next 2 nights off I will definately make plans to go out! FO SHO! If your reading this please text me! I need people to talk to so my brain doesn't melt from watching too much tv!

I Blame Shelby and Danielle

So a few nights ago I went to go hang out with Shelby and Danielle. When I got to Danielle's, she and Shelby were putting together a puzzle. I sat down with them to put some stuff together and now I'm a disaster and I blame them! Not really but still lol. I hate leaving puzzles unfinished and because I can't really go over and take over Danielle's puzzle I needed to start my own so i could finish it! So here I am at 1 in the morning blogging because I had to literally tear myself away from the stinkin puzzle. If I didn't stop now I'd stay up till 4 in the morning. GAH! Now I will be sleep deprived untill I get this thing done! THANKS GUYS! lol

Story Time

A few details have been exaggerated in this story for entertaiment purposes. (The girl did not really cry however she was very sad!!!)


Once upon a few nights ago a girl was sitting around bored as heck and looking for something to do. She made plans with someone who very rudely decided to ditch her. She drove and drove all around town wracking her brains to find the perfect person that could comfort her in this time of need. The suddenly it hit her like a ton of bricks and she called someone she knew she could count on, someone who had been through good and bad times, someone who she knew would not turn her away, and someone she trusted with her whole heart. So she called her friend and she was very sad when he answered because she knew he was sleeping. She offered to let him go, but being the kind heart he was he talked to her. He offered to go to get slurpees with her, but then decided it would be better if she just went to go talk to him at his house. So she went with a happy heart because he very reliable friend had come through. They got to catch up on their lives (which made the girl extremely happy because she rarely gets to talk to her dear friend), they laughed and they giggled and they even shared things that undeer normal circumstances could never be shared (this again made the girl very happy because she knew she had an amazing frienship with this person). After so long the boy grew tired of the girl though and kicked her out of the house. She begged and pleaded to stay knowing that the moment she left the reality of her bad night would hit her again and she would be very sad. She decided to make a deal with him and as long as he flexed and played one simple song on his guitar that she loved so very much she would leave. But the boy refused and her heart sank and he slumped down on to his bed and ignored the poor heart broken girl. So feeling like she needed to leave with some good memory of his (because she knew it would be a long time before they talked/got together again) she took a small token of $6 out ofhis wallet and placed it in her pocket. She left quickly after that and got in her car to drive home. Within minutes of starting the car he heart sank and tears began to well up in her eyes. The ppor girl had been turned away by 2 people that night and to be honest being turned away by her dear friend was the worst part. When she got home she curled up and realized that her dear friend was still a good friend for taking her in that night and it was not his fault he had to work early and turned her out into the cold. But then she recieved a message from the boy and even though she promised she wasn't mad at him he didn't believe her and her heart was yet again broken and she cried herself to sleep.

The end

P.S. Blair you owe me a song

This is Different

For those of you who read my blog last night this is sort of a continuation. This is different though. Brace yourself for a moment while I tell you the inner workings of my brain. You see, when I am irritated or sad or disappointed I like to go to sleep. This might sound like an odd way of dealing with things, but it ends up working out quite nicely. I go to sleep and when I wake up however many hours later I almost completely forget about the bad feelings I was having. The issue resolves itself and I am no longer upset. There have been times in my life when I've gotten really really irritated at something and even wished I would wake up the next day still mad just to prove a point to whoever I was mad at. It's never happened though...until today. Obviously from my previous blog I was not a happy camper last night. After I blogged I read some Twilight and then fell asleep. When I woke up this morning everyone wanted to talk about what had happened last night. This usually doesn't rehash the feelings, but for some reason today it did. I am still fuming about last night. And at the same time I'm really upset about it. So now I'm off to work which will probably not improve my mood because people will be yelling at me all night. So if you love me and you consider yourself a friend of mine I would much appreciate it if you texted me tonight. Just please don't talk about last night.

Heavy Heart

So tonight was SUPER exciting. I got the night off work so I could go hang out with this guy that I've been talking to for a couple weeks. We went to this thing out at the speedway called midnight mayhem. It was cold but it was way worth it cuz it was a blast!


Basically that's what I wish I could've posted...instead this is what really happened tonight.

The whole unravelling of my day happened around noon today. I had some issues with UNLV and then I had some issues with work. The UNLV issue never got resolved so I'm still irritated about that but I found out I had the night off of work tonight. The part about taking it off to hang out with the guy I've been talking to was true. And we were supposed to go to the speedway, but as you can tell by the past tense those things didn't happen. I went to Danielle's house to hang out with her and Shelby because I was not about to waste my night away waiting for some guy to text me. So we worked on a puzzle and then he texted me. His friend was driving out to the speedway so I said I would meet them there so I wouldn't be late for curfew. At about 9:30 I told him I was on my way even though it was freezing outside and I had no desire to go all the way out to the speedway. When I got to the 215 he told me that they had decided to leave. Now I wasn't to upset about this because in my mind the logical thing would have been to just invite me to whatever was going on after the speedway (which was hanging out at his house). Well when I figured that suggestion wasn't going to be brought up I decided to call a friend that I haven't seen in a while. We hung out and it was fun. We had some interesting convos and got to catch up which is something we don't get to do very often. At around 11 I left and hopped in my car to go home. I started my drive down the road and decided to call the guy I was supposed to be hanging out with. Why oh why did I commit this act of insanity? Because I'm insane apparently. Luckily he didn't answer. But for some reason tears welled up in my eyes and the realization of what had happened hit me. I had been stood up. Not something that has ever happened to me. Not saying that I'm some amazing person that no one would ever think of standing up, I'm just saying it's never happened. I called one of my best friends but she was sleeping and I was left in a silent car with no one to talk to. I couldn't even bring myself to turn the radio on to drown out my thoughts. No, instead I sat there like an idiot with tears soaking up my face, rambling to myself about nonsense things that only made me cry more. When things happen to me that weren't exactly how I pictured I like to let all my past misfortunes come back to haunt me. I'm not sure why I do this and it's obviously not very healthy, but I can't help it. Not only that, but I like to think I'm a very...hopefull person (for lack of better words). I like to find good in the people around me. I make up excuses for their faults and I take their good and make it seem even better. I hope for the best, but in the real world the best doesn't always happen. And instead of just accepting someone I find a way to blame myself for their mistake. I've been making a habit of this for years and the only thing it does is break my heart. I'm not saying that there aren't good people out there, but people aren't perfect. Still, I find a way to make it my fault. So I sit here, in bed, writing this blog as a very depressed person because life isn't perfect and either are people. I just wish I didn't get the crap end of it all.

One Good Deed

So tonight was pretty insane I'm not even gonna lie. I went to go hang out with Jordan and Jeff which was pretty fun. We watched Kungfu Panda which was hilarious! We couldn't stop laughing. But that's not the insane part of course. At 9:40 pm I hopped in my car to travel home. 20 minutes was the perfect amount of time to meet my very strict 10:00 curfew. On my way home Shelby called me to tell me about her date. By the time I was about 5 minutes away from home I was stopped at a 4 way stop. The car at the stop sign to my right started honking at me. I disregarded it and kept driving. The car followed me honking the entire way. I was starting to freak out because by this time I was pulling up to the gate outside my community and the car was still following me. Luckily I had one of my smarter moments and didn't open the gate for creepo to get in and follow me home. The strange car pulled up next to me and rolled down there window. I leaned over and rolled mine down. I found a lady in the car next to me bawling her eyes out and looking quite disstressed. Then in her new york accent she choked out the words "I'm lost!" Apparently she had just moved here with her family from New York. Her daughter was stranded at Centennial HS and she didn't know where that was. Well I'm street retarded and didn't know either, but Shelby was there to save the day. I handed her the phone (which she handed to her son because she sad she was too upset to be on a phone) and Shelby gave directions. The poor kid looked like he was listening to giberish. Even though I'm sure Shelby gave them awesome directions they had no idea where to go so the lady asked if she could follow me down there. At this point it was 9:59 but I decided to take advantage of the situation and do a good deed. The lady had a hard time following me though, she said she couldn't see because she forgot her glasses and she only had one working head light. Also, I don't think she realized the 215 was a freeway, that or her car was topping out at 40, because she drove from bradley to durango going 35. On the way there my mom and Shelby scared me into thinking the lady was scamming me and I was going to get kidnapped. So I freaked out once again and started telling Shelby my last words. I really did this you can ask her and everything. Well the lady found her way and before I bid her farewell she said, "Thank you so much for helping me you're such a sweetheart...I'll never watch CSI again!" I'm not sure what CSI had to do with anything but she seemed happy enough to have found her daughter and I bet she'll never forget how to get to Centennial.

One last thing. When the lady was first explaining to me what was going on she apologized for scaring me by honking and then said ,"In New York if someone honks everyone stops to help, but I guess it's not like that here."

Honestly people we should be ashamed of ourselves. Think about the last time you were honked at and how you reacted. I know that the last time someone honked at me it was because they were pissed and it actually was followed by the driver flipping me off. It used to be that people would honk just to say hi, but now the only time we honk is when we're pissed off at someone. Personally I don't honk hardly ever. My reflexes are to slow to think about slamming onmy brake AND honking a horn so i usually only honk my horn to wave at the missionaries. But seriously, there is so much evil and corruption in the world. I mean my first thought tonight was immediately bad. I'm not saying that we need to trust every person we come in contact with (cuz let's face it there are bad people out there) but maybe if we looked for the good before the bad the world would be a little happier.

All I know is I'm gonna get a great night sleep after my little good deed. And Shelby should get one too for the help! I couldn't have gotten to Centennial without her!! Night all : )

Mac & Cheese and Relient K

So today i got up and went grocery shopping for my mom because i love her and i like to simplify her life. So while i was at the store i decided i was hungry and needed something for lunch. I haven't had mac & cheese in a long time so i picked up a box. I was so excited to get home and open my little blue box and give my taste buds a special treat. I followed all the directions on the box perfectly and then sat down to eat. After about 10 bites i came to the realization that mac & cheese is disgusting. Its like spam or hamburger helper. My family jokes about the nastiness of these foods. If you eat them I'm very sorry because you are missing out on truly delicious food if you believe it just doesn't get better than hamburger helper.
So i'd like to make a statement that i hate mac and cheese. But I'm not totally against the boxed dinners. In fact I am here to testify that Pasta-Roni is amazingness in a box!

So basically i'm challenging everyone to go try pasta roni if you haven't cuz its way better that mac and cheese! and its cheaper! It's less than a dollar at walmart and HELLO how great of a deal is that!

So aside from my mac & cheese epiphany i decided to listen to some music, but instead of listening to one of my playlists i hit shuffle. It's amazing the things that come on when you hit shuffle. You end up listening to stuff you forgot you even had. I didn't forget i had relient k on my ipod but it came on and i just realized AGAIN how amazing that band is. Seriously music is so amazing! I don't understand how some people can go even the slightest amount of time without listening to anything. There is a song out there for everything. Every mood i've ever been in has had a song to match. And every situation has had a song. Right now my theme song is Crush by David Archuleta. Hmm yes this song definately describes me right now. Well that's enough blogging for now..i need to go pick up my brother from school. YUCK! its such an inconveniance but only 1 more week and i never have to do it again! YAY

Life Just Got A Little Better

So i got up early this morning so Shelby and I could decorate my house for Christmas. It was a lot of fun and now my house has a touch of Christmas spirit. We took lots of pictures and when i went to put them on my computer i descovered a lot of other pictures! And i never post pictures so now you can see into the amazing life of me instead of just hearing about it.

This is Shelby! She's putting the boy on my pole or lamp post of whatever you call it. You can't tell, but it was freezing outside! We las vegans can't handle the 60 degree weather apparently, but hey you have to factor in wind chill too!

Shelby is taping our sparkly stuff (tinsel i think its called..or maybe garland) to the pole. Right before this i decided to run around it to get the garland to spiral like that. I basically looked like an idiot, Shelby got a good laugh, and my neighbors probly thought i was insane.

The before shot of the pole!

This is our tree once it was done!! isn't it pretty! ya i know your jealous of our awesome tree trimming skills!

The finished tree with my cat. She kept trying to climb it. I thought Shelby was gonna kill her.

We were putting on the LAST BULBS!

Hey look its me!

Those were all the bulbs that we put on the tree! CRAZY STUFF

All the decorations

The before shot of our sad little tree

The only reason this picture is on my blog is because it is a personal record for me. If you look in the backgroung you can clearly see that my bed it made. This is an epic peice of history my friends and you are now a part of it.

This was taken the wednesday before Thanksgiving. A bunch of friends and I went down to the strip and the clouds were so low they turned green from the lights! Pretty amazing to see..not to mention is the best color ever..GREEN.

The purple sky!

This is the gate to the temple. As you can see it is closed. This was because Shelby and I are retarded and went to the temple on FHE and they close early so we got to go look at it from the outside. FUN RIGHT?! Ya your jealous..I feel ya.

OK! so i'm sorry for those of you who already saw those pictures on facebook! ANYWAYS! In other knews...tonight was my friday at work. It was actually not that bad. It went by really fast i baarely even got yelled at! YAY. Something embarrassing happened tho. So i was the last cashier to get to work so i got stuck on the sucky register. It's especially sucky right now cuz we have a huge sign that sits right in front of you so people can see you but you can't really see them untill they get right in your face. So i'm ringing someone up and out of the corner of my eye i see 2 guys standing. One is standing where i can see him and the other is hiding behind the sign. The one guy that i could see and he wouldn't stop staring at me. He even had that "i think i know you" stare going on. So my imagination ran wild and i ended up convincing myself that the guy i couldn't see was someone i knew and they were talking about me which is why the one guy wouldn't stop staring. People i could feel my face getting hot which is not a good sign. I blush easily as it is so when i feel it its SUPER bad. Well it turns out im an idiot cuz i didn't know either of the guys.

So speaking of guys...actually..im not going to speak of any guys in case the one i want to talk about ends up reading this.

In other news..i have a huge headache so i need to get off. hopefully tomorrow ill feel better and ill be able to blog my little heart out to you!

boring

So basically nothing has been going on. Like seriously people I live a boring life.

Kids Ruin Everything

Ok..don't get me wrong, I love kids. But lately kids are ruining my life. I was totally excited for this Friday. I was going to decorate my house for Christmas and finish my Christmas shopping. I was so excited! (have you noticed the past tense yet) About 10 minutes ago I got a call from the hostess that was supposed to cover my shift. She can't anymore because she doesn't have a babysitter. Her mom was going to do it, but she's going on vacation now. So I get to take my happy little butt to work and deal with all kinds of angry people who have nothin better to do but harrass us.

The other reason kids are pissing me off right now is because of kids I might not be able to move out for a while. People that are close to me know that I can not wait to move out. You see about a year ago my aunt started building her mansion..I mean house..up by the temple. While they were building it they lived in a smaller 2 bedroom house right next door. Well they're bigger house is finished and now they're renting out the smaller one. We were supposed to move in this March. Why March you ask. Well right now a soon to be doctor and his wife are living in the house. So everything thing was going well and the plans were starting to play out untill about 2 weeks ago. We found out we might not get to move in this March because the doctor got a little frisky and got his wife pregnant! SO NOW THEY MIGHT NOT MOVE OUT! What the crap!! Honestly? So now I don't know if I will be able to move out and will be stuck in my freedomless house forever.

So as you can see kids ruin everything! GAH gaygaygay

Lots of Exciting Stuff

Sorry that I have not blogged in a while. Not much has happened so I thought I'd wait a good couple of days so I could gather enough useful events to blog. Plus it made you anticipate for this post and really want it. So now you'll pay extra attention to my blog instead of just glancing over it. You think I don't know about your glazing over technique..but alas I do.

So the other day I was at work, not a big suprise..i spend about 95% of my time at work. Anyways, I have come to have a very love hate relationship with my job. You see I am a people pleaser. I like to make people happy. It makes me happy. Well I've come to realize that my people pleaser skills get the better of me in the restaurant bizz. Throughout my 6 hour shift I periodically have unhappy people come up to me and complain about various things: "Why don't you have dollar slots in your casino?" "Why can't we sit in the front of the buffet?" "We need a booth..no nevermind we want a table!" "My husband has to sit up front so he can watch the people walk by." These comments get very annoying but I put a nice fake smile on and give these complainers whatever they want. I also get other complaints from my greedy co-workers known as THE SERVERS. "Why aren't you seating me more?" "Why isn't there a gratuity on this reciept?" "Your seating me too much I can't clean my tables fast enough!" These people's complaints i deal with a little differently. I tend to either flip out or pretend like i didn't even hear the complaint and then I walk away. Now you don't have to tell me that this isn't very nice and it even goes against my people pleaser attribute, however I tend to get a lot of pent up anger from the guests, so when a coworker complains to me I flip out. I'm not allowed to tell a server to stop complaining, but you better believe I'll tell a coworker so stop. So 2 nights ago I was at work and I wasn't having a very good day becuase of course everyone was complaining about something. The most common complaint I was getting from both guests and servers was about gratuity. You see, at the buffet we charge an 18% gratuity if you have more than 7 people in your party. This is actually a very cheap gratuity. Every restaurant in Las Vegas charges a gratuity in the same circumstances, however most places charge 20%, so we're really giving you a good deal. Well, guests like to refuse to pay it and then servers like to yell at you for making them do all this work for no tip. Its a vicious cycle. So being very against all the yelling I asked the manager to please explain our policy to the guests so they would pay it. Things were going very well. Then we had a party of 11 come in. They payed the gratuity and sat down to wait for us to push a few tables together. After sitting for about 2 minutes they realized they were charged $30 in gratuity and decided they wanted a refund. In order to do this they had to split up into a group of 5 and a group of 6. By taking their gratuity off they give us the right to seat them in seperate tables instead of pushing them together. I made a comment referring to this and one of the ladies in the group heard me. She ran up to where I was standing got right in my face and started screaming at me. (NOTE: my manager was standing shoulder to shoulder with me when this happened) She started calling me EVIL. I explained to her our policy but she comtinued to yell. My manager stood next to me and watched my face turn red while this woman ridiculed me and said nothing. She then got her friends and I had 3 people now yelling at me. She then pulled out "Your an EVIL B*TCH!" My heart sank. My manager finally (sorta) stepped in and called security. Let's just say I ended up crying in the back. NICE RIGHT! So that is the hate part of my love hate relationship with my job. The love part is I get paid $10 an hour to deal with everyone's crap. Let's just say its not worth it. So I'm now in the market for a new job. If you hear about anything please please please let me know.

So in other knews it is now December. MY FAVORITE MONTH!. This year is exceptionally special. Of course I have Christmas to look forward to. But 2 days following the best holiday ever is my birthday. But not just any birthday my friends..MY 18TH BIRTHDAY! Yes that's right. Finally I will be 18. I can now buy hermit crabs, cigarettes, go to the bowling alley after 6, and have sex with anyone. JUST KIDDING! But I am excited. Then 3 days after that magic Lindsey comes home. Linds has been gone for 6 months now. It has actually gone by a lot faster than I thought it would! So that's exciting stuff.

Also in the December slot: I have taken on the priviledge of decorating my house for Christmas. Usually all we do is throw up a tree, but because I'm in chagre this year we're going to go all out! I can't wait! The only problem is I have to wait a couple of days before I can start becuase I have to go buy decorations and for the moment I am poor. I originally planned on getting all my decorating done on Monday and I'm very sad I have to wait becuase December is slowly slipping away. But we keep everything up till February anyways so I figure 4 extra days won't kill us.

I'm also going to finish my Christmas shopping this Friday. I had gotten a head start on it 2 weeks ago but didn't get as much as I wanted. But for sure on Friday I'll be done.

By the way, in case you didn't catch all my upcoming plans for Friday, I have that day off work. YAY! One of the other hostesses wanted more hours and I wanted less hours and more time away from the complaints. So she took my Friday shift! YAY. So I have today tomorrow and Friday off. Tonight I'm going to go see Bizzle (Shelby), tomorrow I'm gonna hang out with her again. We're gonna wait at her sisters house for a sofa apparently. Fun stuff. And then Friday I don't have plans other than my Christmas stuff.

Speaking of Christmas. Lately I've been talking to a new guy. Hey maybe I'll finally get out of my boy slump. Who really knows tho. Anyways, we talk a lot oabout movies and music. So there's a song called "Christmas Shoes." If you have not heard it I strongly suggest you go look it up. Anyways we were talking about what an amazing song it is and he mentioned it was also a movie. I have been extremely deprived, but hopefully we can get together and watch it. If its half as good as the song I'll probly cry, A LOT!

K this is the last thing I'm going to blog about and it kind of distrubing, but I feel I must. So all girls know that one of the very horrible things about female life is unwanted body hair and getting rid of it. One of my most despised is my bikini line. It's horrible. So for a long time I've been trying to figure out a more long term removal than just shaving. So I decided I would try waxing. Not only that..but do-it-yourself-waxing. HMM...you'd think I would be smarter about this but hence the blog I was not. Now you might be asking yourself "Why on earth is she even concerned about this in WINTER?" Well I figured I would do it in the winter just for a test run. That way if it turns out horribly I wouldn't have to hide. So I heated my wax and applied. Luckily the only smart thing I did in this process was ONLY APPLY THE WAX THE ONE SIDE. Let me just tell you I have never experienced pain like I did today. Not only that, but I didn't get all the wax off so now everything is sticking to me. OUCH! Here's my word of advice. DON"T EVER WAX ANYTHING BUT YOUR EYEBROWS. I honestly think that even if I had had this done professionally I still would be in a world of pain. Sorry if that horribly disgusted you, but i felt the need to share so you would not make the same mistake.

Ok, hopefully this blog makes up for my lack of blogging the past couple of days.

Story time

Once upon a time there lived this amazing girl..lets just call her Alix..she spelled her name with an i cuz she was way cool! but thats another story. So Alix loved music and one day she was driving in her car and she turned on the radio and a good song came on. For the next week Alix heard this song in the car almost everytime she got in it and the more she listened to it the more she liked it. Now this song wasn't the best song in the world..the lyrics to the chorus were as follows: I'm so addicted to all the things you do when you roll around with me in between the sheets. And so on and so forth. Anyways even tho the song didn't have the cleanest lyrics Alix decided to dowload it becuase it had a catchy tune.
So Alix got on her lovely computing device and found the song and downloaded it. Once it was downloaded she fell asleep cuz she was very tired from doing her usual awesome things all day. A few days leter she turned on her computing device to listen to her recent download. Within seconds she realized something was terribly wrong. The lyrics she had first heard on the radio were edited and very different from the lyrics now on her computing device. The song now sang: I'm so addicted to all the things you do when your going down on me inbetween the sheets. Alix quickly turned the song off and deleted it. (MORAL OF THE STORY: don't download songs with radio edits..it might turn out bad)
THE END

Fruit!

So tonight was pretty fun. I went out with Bentley, Bay, Justin, Torie, Ash, and Jackson at the Butterfly Park. We played soccer and it was so much fun. I miss it so so so much! I wish I could get a team and play everyday!! Ah I would love it! So then I went to WalMart and had a craving for ice cream until I got out of the car. Lately I've been having cravings for sweets untill I get to the store and then my craving changes into fruit cravings. So not only that but I have been craving Kiwi. I can make an entire meal out of nothing but kiwi! Ahh SO GOOD! Fruit is amazing! Its just like candy but it doesn't make you fat! AWESOME! And for some reason fruit makes you full really fast. Like I ate 2 kiwi (which isn't a whole lot) and I'm so full now! YUMMY!

Blogging Once Again

So I know I already posted a blog for today..but I feel compelled to blog once again. So tonight I stopped all my plans (cuz I just had so many..haha ya right) and I went out with one of my best friends: Shelby. We had nothing better to do so we went to hang out with Matthew and Blair. I haven't seen either of them in a while so I knew we were gonna have a fun night. Not to mention they are hilarious and crazy. So we leave and meet the at B-Dubs and the first thing we see is Matthew with a face full of celery. They decided to get 24 wings in really hot flavors and apparently the celery was making the hottness go down. While we were there Shelby took Blair's debit card and hid it which made for some good laughs all through the night. He had no idea..it was hilarious. Anyways after Matthew stopped crying from the hot wings we got in the car and went to an ice cream restaurant. I can't remember the name of it but it was pretty good. We sat around stuffing our faces with ice cream and laughing! At one point Shelby just started laughing..the kind of laugh where your not making any noise! Ya that one. So her laugh is contagious and everyone started bustin up laughing for absolutely no reason. Then we read scriptures while the people behing us cussed up a storm. They chased the Spirit away but don't worry..we brought it back. Then we went to Goodwill (Deseret Industries A.K.A. DI is sooooo much better..don't ever go to Goodwill unless youcan't locate a DI) and we tried to get Blair to buy something..anything..so he would realize he didn't have his debit card. Sadly he did not. After tey basically kicked us out of Goodwill we went and hung out in the parking lot (of a bar). We were carrying on and laughing so hard you would've thought we were the drunk ones. It was funny. I haven't laughed that hard in a long time. After about 45 minutes of parking lot fun we all went home. At a stop light Shelby and I serenaded the boys. It was funny. I think she recorded it on her phone hahaha fun stuff. Now I'm home and I'm blogging to you. But before I go I would just like to add a side note.

If you can handle it..and don't feel bad if you can't cuz I believe it takes 2 people with a lot of talent..staying friends with your ex is very beneficial. If you truly love and care about someone why would you suddenly stop feeling that way just because of a break up. A break up is a "we don't work romantically" escape route, but does that mean you have to stop caring just cuz you stopped making out? I definately don't think so. Blair is actually the only person I've been able to stay friends with after a break up. I've been through a lot with that kid. Almost 2 years of shiz. I think its silly to spend that much time opening your heart to let someone in and getting to know someone just to allow them to leave you life forever down the rode. I either tell him too much or not enough..but I really am grateful for his friendship. I'm very gratefull that after all we've been through we can still laugh at eachother. Thanks Blair.

Listen Up!

I have decided to post this blog for everyone and anyone who is willing to read it with an open mind. Not everyone can deal with being told they are wrong, but everyone is wrong at some point in their life. If you have the tendencies to act like this then I'm sorry to say you might be wrong.

Some people..in fact a select few..go through certain trials that are hard. Hard being an insufficient term to describe some of these trials that seem unbearable. Eventually those trials pass and the person realizes the good in those trials. They learn from them, are made stronger by them, and eventually become thankful for them.

However, at the time, these trials are horrible experiences that bring many tears, regrets, and even hateful feelings. I am nnot a troubled soul, but I have experienced a few "tragedies". I have grown from them and they are in my past. They have made me the person I am today and I have learned many lessons from them. I am even grateful to have learned those lessons in my life. After going through what I've gone through I feel like I can be a better shoulder to cry on for the people around me that have faced the same hardships. And I hope that I can be an example to my children so they will not make the same mistake.

Even though I have made it out alive, there was a time when I didn't think I would. A time when I cried a lot and it literally hurt to be dealing with everything. I have many friends and like any human I tried to rely on them to comfort me. A few of my best friends found the right words to say that gave me the extra strength I needed to pull through. But, the majority of the people around me gave me the "cookie cutter" answer: "Everything will be ok. Just have faith and pray about it. You don't need to be upset, you just need to have faith."

After surviving my short comings I would like to throw something out there. FAITH and FEELINGS are not the same, however they seem to often be confused for the same thing. People often think that when something bad happens to you all you have to do is pray about it and then everything will be ok. It is true that our faith and prayer help us to overcome our obstacles. However, just because we have faith in Heavenly Father doesn't mean we have to forgo our feelings. We are allowed to feel. We are allowed to be sad when something bad happens to us. We are allowed to hurt. When something bad happens we are allowed to let ourselves think for a brief moment that everything sucks and it isn't fair.

If we weren't allowed to feel any of these things, Heavenly Father wouldn't have given us the ability to feel. But we were given that ability. I am not saying that when something bad happens you should slump around with a depressed expression on your face and an "I hate this world" attitude for the rest of your life. All I'm saying is you can have faith: faith that everything will be ok, faith that this is happening for a reason, faith in Heavenly Father, yes you can have all the faith in the world, and it is STILL OK for you to be upset. It is OK to cry and be angry and hate what is happening to you.

I am here to say to you that if anyone tries to tell you to brush off your feelings and just pray about it you can tell them to shove off.

And if you are one of the ones who likes to use the "cookie cutter answer" let me just say that even if you do believe no one should be sad and they should just have faith there will come a day when you will want to be sad and when you go looking for some sympathy just remember you "cookie cutter answer", suck it up, and go pray.

*Disclaimer*
I don't mean to be rude or offend anyone, I am just opening the eyes of the naive.

Some Good Advice

The other day I was whining to Linds about some boy drama (pretty much the norm for me) and she reminded me of some things that I forgot for that brief moment. She basically told me to put a smile on my face because even though that one thing didn't work out for me the way I wanted it to I still had lots to be happy about it.

Today I was whining (once again) about having to be at work. Shelby gave me some advice that seemed a little odd. She told me to compliment 40 people and let her know how my night went when I was off work. Ok I didn't actually complitment 40 people. I actually didn't even keep count, but it did make a difference. Even though customers and coworkers were screaming and yelling I found that turning things around and positively speaking with someone who was upset their attitude was changed. I felt better and they felt better.

I also realized 3 things tonight. The first thing I realized was how important it is to lead by example. By now all of my coworkers are aware that I am mormon. They don't judge and they have gotten to know and understand me as a person. But I haven't been doing my part. I have a slight tendencacy to act like a sponge almost. I soak up the people and the environment I'm in and then I spit that back out. But I realized tonight that that's not why I'm here. If I truly beleive in my church and want to spread that word I should be acting as an example to my coworkers. Even if they don't join the church they would see my example and have a good wholesome opinion about LDS members. So I made a goal earlier today that I would try to be more Christ-like and carry the Spirit with me for others to see instead of stooping to a level I don't want to be at.

The second thing I realized was that I have amazing friends. I understand that I can be whiny when things don't exactly go my way and I get that I vent about ridiculous things that really no one cares about. But I have friends who love me through thick and thin. They advise me, keep my standards high, love me, and they're always there when I need them. Today I went to Junior's farewell and as I sat surrounded by people I love and care about I realized that I am truly blessed for finding such an amazing group of friends.

My last realization is pretty simple and a little silly. DON'T BURN SALT CITY CANDLES DIRECTLY UNDER THE SMOKE ALARM. I tend to be a night owl and I was cleaning my room tonight while the rest of my family was asleep. Suddenly out of no where this loud annoying sound went off. When I looked up at the candle I realized the flame was HUMONGOUS! I quickly blew it out (which was stupid for so many reasons). My whole family woke up in a panic thinking our house was burning down. And now even though they've gone back to sleep I feel incredibly stupid and I can't go sneak out in my kitchen for some sherbet. So sad.

Twilight

Right this second..I mean like RIGHT NOW..I am watching the Twilight trailor for like the 4th time inthe past 40 minutes. Really..I'm timing it. I am so excited for this movie and at the same time I'm not excited at all. I feel like this movie is going to seriously disappoint me. There's no way that all the awesome powers the vampires have are going to be portrayed as well as they were described in the book. I mean that's just obvious. But hopefully it's good. Actually I'm completely comvinced that if the movie is even just half as good as the book then I'll be satisfied. The books are amazing enough that I can give the movie that much wiggle room.

On another note. I can't wait to start shopping for my house. I will be moving in in about 4 months and I'm so excited to get to decorate. So I think when my roommate/besite: Linds get's in town we will start shopping. Because let's face it..if we wait till we move in to buy all our stuff we'll never be able to afford anything. Then our sad little house will be empty. :( Sad

Ok one last thing before I go..I am watching TV and this twix commercial came on.. Ya know those ones where the guy says something stupid and he's gonna take a moment to chew it over with twix. K well i was watching the one where the guy's at a party and he's trying to pick up this girl and he asks her to come back to his apartment and she freaks out. So he takes his "moment" and then he says something along the lines of..I thought you were a believer..someone who would want to blog about their ideals. K and the girl freaks out and is like "OMG I LOVE BLOGGING!" K that commercial is totally escence of Shelby! She's so funny but that girl is a blogger like no other! Hahaha Love you Bizzle!

excuse me!

KaziM1337 (1:47:01 AM): you forget we live in vegas though
KaziM1337 (1:47:14 AM): i mean ur beautiful
KaziM1337 (1:47:27 AM): use your look to your advantage
KaziM1337 (1:47:32 AM): looks*
HoPeLeSsbLoNdE (1:47:37 AM): and how should i do that
KaziM1337 (1:47:46 AM): do what im about to do
KaziM1337 (1:48:02 AM): be an escourt or something
KaziM1337 (1:48:05 AM): model
KaziM1337 (1:48:11 AM): strip
KaziM1337 (1:48:14 AM): cocktail
KaziM1337 (1:48:18 AM): bartend
KaziM1337 (1:48:27 AM): easy and fun money
HoPeLeSsbLoNdE (1:48:29 AM): wow
KaziM1337 (1:48:40 AM): i park cars
KaziM1337 (1:48:52 AM): and make more then 67% of collage grads
HoPeLeSsbLoNdE (1:50:49 AM): well thats awesome..however im not willing to compromise my faith just for money..its not worth it..now or anywhere in my future. there are more important things in the world than money. people tell me everyday i should do those things and i would be very successful at them. but its stupid and a complete waste of time
KaziM1337 (1:51:11 AM): faith?
KaziM1337 (1:51:18 AM): hows does that have to do with anything
HoPeLeSsbLoNdE (1:52:01 AM): wearing hardly any clothes and running around trying to make a quick buck is ridiculous
KaziM1337 (1:52:26 AM): but it doesn't have to do with faith
HoPeLeSsbLoNdE (1:52:34 AM): oh really..how
KaziM1337 (1:52:49 AM): how doesn't it
HoPeLeSsbLoNdE (1:54:45 AM): the faith that i have teaches me to stay out of situations that are bad for me...like surrounding myself with drugs, alcohol, and drunks..it teaches me to respect myself enough not to be half naked...i don't need to show off my body to make money..and can find other ways to pay my bills
KaziM1337 (1:55:19 AM): call me
KaziM1337 (1:55:25 AM): imma watch tv
HoPeLeSsbLoNdE (1:55:25 AM): no
HoPeLeSsbLoNdE (1:55:30 AM): im going to bed



This is an actual comversation I just had with someone who is a complete idiot. I don't care who you are, what you believe, or how you live you life, but don't you dare tell me how to live mine. Don't try to justify to me that sleeping with people, wearing practically no clothes, pole dancing for dollar bills, and surrounding yourself with beer and cigarettes is the right way to earn money. I don't care if I'm dirt poor and close to living on the street I would never for any amount of money subject myself to lowering my standards just to get by. Because in the long run you can't take you money with you when you die. And that money that you degraded yourself to earn is going to be worthless. No thanks idiot. I'll earn my money the dignified way and in the end when no one wants to pay to sleep with you anymore because your just a dirty whore I'll be the one with the true happiness. I'm glad that your happy with your car, house, and "fancy" job, but listen here..I've got all that and the happiness and fufilment from life that your money can't buy you! So stick that in your juice box and suck it.

I Miss You

So about 5 months ago my bestie: Lindsey Jackson moved away for a very very very long vacation. The whole situation was very dramatic actually. About a week after graduation, in our purple bestie shirts, Linds and I boarded a plane headed to the east coast for a 2 week vacation known as THE CHURCH HISTORY TOUR! It was awesome and a good non stop fun time right before she left. On the plane home I started bawling realizing that this was going to be the second to last time I was going to get to see my best friend for the next 6 months. The last time would take place 2 days later right before she got on her plane. I miss my bestie a lot. She's been with me through a lot. And oddly we've only been in one fight that lasted for about 5 minutes. I tell her everything, but it's been hard not being able to text her the minute something excited happens. Luckily we live in a world that allows for e-mailing. :) Otherwise I don't know if I'd be able to make it. I can't wait for her to home. Only 48 more days and she'll be here again. I love you Bestie! B.L.U.B.

Holy Eff Word!

Tonight was amazing. That's all I have to say. I'm nervous as all heck and I'm gonna try to be smart about this, but after waiting so long I might not be able to. But for now I'm completely enjoying myself.

Wanna find out what happened tonight?

Text me and find out! :)

Epic Adventures

So today was a good day. What did I say. I knew today was going to be good. So I got up and I got ready for my day. My hair looked so long..I'M SO EXCITED! Finally it's starting to look long! YAY. So then I went to the dentist. It went well. I just got a cleaning. But the lady put floride on my teeth. She said I was allowed to eat and drink but I couldn't eat. Well this floride stuff made it feel like I hadn't brushed my teeth in a year. So I felt nasty, but I went to the mall anyways cuz I needed to do some shopping. It worked out pretty well cuz I didn't have to talk to anyone since I was there by myself. But then..seriously 2 seconds after I told my mom I was leaving I walked into my ex. Now we're on good terms and all and I don't mind hanging out with him..however, seeing him when I least expect it tends to make me a nervous wreck. Plus HELLO its an ex..you always wanna look freaken amazing and confident and perfect when you see an ex. And here I am looking so cute except I can't open my mouth at all. So I quickly dismissed myself and walked away. But on my way out I decided to stop at one more store. When I walked out of the store I was on the ground level. My car was parked on the other end of the mall on the top level. I debated with myself and finally picked the best route that would lead me to my car without seeing my ex again. But alas my best judgement failed and I ran into him again. I ran away even faster than the first time but he texted me asking why I couldn't stop to talk. So that wasn't to fun. But whatever. So after I left the awkward situation I came home to change and then I went to go get Shelby so we could go to the TEMPLE! YAY! So we made out 30 mile drive..jammin out the whole way..and we finally got to the temple. But when we pulled up the gates were closed! GASP! We forgot it's Monday and they close early for FHE. So we parked the car and walked around the outside. It was still really pretty. The moon had a rainbow around it and was lighting the street so it wasn't so pitch black. Between that and the temple lights it was so pretty. Then we went and say my future house. I'm so excited to move out and experience some independence. The way I look at it this is the only time in my life I will get to experience true reckless independence. I won't have parents or a husband to consider everytime I leave my house. All I have to think about is myself, what I want, and what I feel is right. Then we went to In-n-out and I ate like a friggen fatty..but hey it was the only thing I had to eat all day. It was so good. Then we headed off to Michael's to me "Team Edward" shirts. But we decided against that. In fact we decided against everything in Michael's and headed to walmart instead. There we found a 10 minute dance workout DVD and a yoga DVD. We did both and Shelby and I could not stop laughing. Oh My Word is was so funny. After that the night pretty much died. We watched a movie and both of us practically fell asleep. So I came home and now I'm blogging. And that's my night in a nutshell! Awesome right?!? Ya I know. My life is exciting. Bahaha

Some New Stuff

So tomorrow is going to be a busy day..and I have a feeling its going to be an amazing day. But I won't talk about that now..that way I'll have something to talk about tomorrow. But tonight I did quite a bit. I went to church. It was one of those days where I just didn't really want to be there. I know I'm a horrible person lol. But everyone has those days so there. And I did go so that's gotta count for something. But then I had to go to a meeting for work. I called it a meeting becuase it was mandatory and I didn't want to go, but work called it a "pep rally". So basically I got there and they shoved everyone with the last name H-O in our showroom. It's called ACCESS by the way. Check it out on 11/11 at 11:11 pm. Anyways so we were all in this space that was not meant for that many people and they had the bass turned up so high I could feel the tip of my nose vibrating. Weird right..ya I know. So finally the meeting started and no one was enthusiastic. We all just wanted to go home. But we were being payed to stand there and pretend to be interested so we all clapped because that was the least we could do. But we got to see some interesting stuff. We did a fashion show of all the uniforms from our casino. Let me tell you..the security guards look legit. They are dressed in all balck suits. Holy eff. Not only do they look totally legit but they are smokin hot! HAWT! Omg one of them is so incredibly cute i could die. It's insane. Ok so then i got done with my pep rally and i didn't really do much. I ate dinner..I ATE SALAD FOR DINNER. Ya I know..hopefully my fat goes away. I found a pilates DVD in my room too. WOO HOO! And I printed new pictures for all the frames in my room. They're so cute. But while I was doing that I came up with a couple of goals for the next few months.

GOAL #1
I am making a goal to take more pictures. This may seem silly, but I have a weird camera phobia. I love love love taking pictures and having new pictures. However, I always feel weird taking pictures. I feel like if I pull my camera out someone's gonna say, "Who's the weirdo with the camera?" Or I feel like if I ask someone to take pictures with me they're gonna say NO! OMG that would be tragic.

GOAL #2
Expand my fashion. I plan on doing this a couple of different ways. One way I'm going to do that is by buying a pair of really cute boots. I've been looking for a good pair of boots since last winter and I have yet to find them. This year I'm going to find them! Also I want to find a really cute jacket. I have a habit of wearing sweatshirts everywhere. Which is fine..but I invest in really cute shirts and then they get covered up by sweatshirts. So thats just dumb. I need a cute jacket so that I can be warm and fashionable. K and my last thing is low lights. I was reading an article a couple months ago and I read that if you put low lights in your hair on the middle layer of hair (like not the top but not the very botton aka the middle) it makes your hair looks fuller and longer. BINGO! Exactly what I want.

GOAL #3
Finish Christmas shopping early. I'm starting tomorrow so this should be an easy goal to accomplish. The reason for this semi-ridiculous goal is every year I spend a ton of money on myself. Then when it's about 2 weeks before Christmas I pinch every last penny to get the bare minimum for my family and friends. Well this year instead of being totally selfish I have decided to spend that money on my family. I'm also making a ton of extra money right now because my new job is getting ready to open so I've been working extra hours that I won't be working in December.

So there you have it. I have gotten in the habit of writing very long posts. So I am very sorry if I am boring you with my life.