Here are my problems.
1. It does not feel like Christmas to me. No need to really explain this, you can guess how this would obviously be a problem.
2. Right now..like right this very second I am sad. I have absolutely no idea why. Because let me tell you I have absolutely no reason to be sad at all. I'm actually very very happy for the first time in a while. So maybe I'm not actually sad, maybe I just need to cry. Like watch a sad movie and cry. I think I'll go watch Charlotte's Web cuz let me tell you that movie gets me everytime. So does Bridge to Terrabithia (I think that's how you spell it.) Those movies seriously make me bawl (not just cry) everytime I watch them. I turn them on and tell myself, "Ok today I'm not gonna cry!" and then the next thing I know I'm bawling like a baby. WHAT THE CRAP!
3. A few weeks ago my best friend told me she made plans for New Year's Eve. Well, I haven't seen her in 6 months and at the time I had planned on saving that night to hang out with her. So I (like an idiot) made her cancel all her plans so we could hang out. Well here I am 3 weeks later with plans. I was invited to a party (but more of like a family party I think) at ****'s house. Obviously I want to go and I said yes like a retard because ****'s amazing smile sucked me in and made me forget I ever had plans. So basically I have the following options: Tell **** I can't go and hang out with my best friend (which is obviously a smart choice if I want to continue my friendship..ho's before bro's) or ditch my friend and go to the party (hahaha this won't happen I'm just stating it) or ask **** if I can please bring my friend with altho that would make me feel horrible for intruding! GAH. Problems. Insane.
4. Obviously if your to this part of the blog you read number 3. So then you probly noticed I kept referring to someone as ****. Well this is because I'm not sure exactly what to call him. I don't want to put his name on my blog (because I don't really like putting names in my blog). But I'm not keeping him a secret. In fact I'd like to tell everyone who it is because I feel lucky. But I also don't want to put his name in my blog and freak him out. Cuz for all I know maybe he doesn't want anyone to know he's associating with me. Well, as I have mentioned before I worry..sometimes a lot. So right now I'm worried. This is my worrying stage. This is the stage in between getting to know someone and actually forming the bf/gf title. I hate this stage because I don't want to be a retard and actually ask what we are. But I always do anyways because I always worry about it. Even though it's just a title I usually feel the need to have it. This is because I have been scarred. You see, not so long ago I was "dating" someone. Basically we were just making out. And he would tell me that we couldn't have the title and when I would try and argue he would just say..why does the title matter. Then out of no where when I was least expecting it he ended up with a girlfriend. She got the title..what the crap was the matter with me that I couldn't have the title. So I got heart broken and he got a girlfriend. Nice trade right. Well that is why I like titles. Yes of course with a title a guy can still break up with you for another girl, but at least you would have closure and you wouldn't feel like a complete idiot. That's just how I feel. So anyways...back to ****. If we had the title it would for some odd reason make me feel better and then I would put my name in his blog. Heck I'd probably even put it on facebook. But with no title that's a no go. So I guess for now its ****.
5. I would really like to blog about ****, but again I'm freaken out about that. I have a nasty habit of getting attached to people and then they bail. So my only defense is to keep everything about the person underwraps for a little bit. You see, if I start talking about **** and how I'm feeling and all that, with my luck he will read it, totally freak out, and bail. Then what am I supposed to do?
Ok so for those of you reading this I probably sound either really whiny (for freaking out over probably nothing) or I sound really emo. Well I'm really not either. These are just the things on my mind that go with the title. I am emmensly happy with life right now. If things keep going the way they are going I will never be sad again. I'm just afraid things won't go the way I want them to. I know I worry and I know I'm retarded for doing it, but I can't help it. Not only is this just who I am, but I've also learned very harsh lessons from people in my past. I'm tired of being hurt.
So those are my problems as of this moment. Hopefull they will be resolved very soon.
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gosh forbid i have never seen so many **** in my life!!! you really just need to say, hey I like you dude, and even if you aren't my bf you need to understand that my blog is my journal and well. your in it right now. SAY HIS NAME! it's not going to kill anyone. so what if he feels overwhelmed, if he can't take his name on a blog that no one he knows probably really reads, then he isn't worth your time. OH and btw, he likes you... so im sure he would care plus he is chill, so no worries. SO in the end, you will ask him where you guys stand because thats how we do.. neither of us can go without knowing. its annoying and frankly.. not worth your time if it isn't going anywhere. if he doesnt want to call you his girlfriend then they.. well if we are going to watch movies/make out/and talk all the time you are offically my MAN-FRIEND. and you are his LADY-FRIEND. I know it sounds old, but it works if you want to disguse stuff. Like when my grandpa died and my grandma had a "boyfriend" it was weird so we called him her MAN FRIEND because, well they were in a nursing home, and a date to the cafetreia didn't qualify as boyfriend title. :D
LOVE YOU!
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