the heart always wants what it can't have

yes im still having my little boy slump. ya know the one where every where you look people seem to be falling in love yet your the only one sitting by yourself on a park bench. Even the dogs seem to be finding love when your in a slump like this. And you try to be happy for the people around you..and you are..you truly are..but deep deep down you can't help feeling a little jealous or maybe envious of them. You just want what they have. You want to be able to hold on to someone even in the worst of times. Anyone who really knows me knows that i go through these boy slumps about half way between my last boyfriend and finding a new one. I don't know why it just happens. Its the point I reach right after I've gotten past my i'm single and independent and boy crazy phase and i launch into my this effing sucks i need to light a fire under my butt and find a guy phase. So I'm there. It's a weird feeling. Bi-polar almost. One moment i can be completely fine and the next my whole mood changes and I'm wanting something i don't have this second. It scares me being in the slump. This is when i tend to do things i end up regretting. When i was inactive this was my RANDOM HOOKUP phase. Any guy that i could find that was willing to make out right then and there was my target. I'm in a new phase of my life and i realize that that's not the smartest move and it doesn't make me feel any better about my situation. I'm still being pretty picky too. It's like i know what i want and i don't settle for anything but that. This may seem normal..but really its a little ridiculous. Because i picture in my head what i think the perfect guy is..and untill i find that perfect picture i don't settle. But most of the time the person im picturing in my head doesn't even exist. And not only that but i don't know who is my perfect match..only HF knows that. So i could very well be turning away the person that is my perfect match all cuz im an idiot. I have many many problems when it comes to this slump. I have another problem called relapse. This is where i find a person that i have already had something with..whether is be an ex boyfriend or ex fling or someone i hooked up with once some time ago. This presents a serious problem because obviously if all these people are in my past they are there for a reason and that reason is not so i can dig them back up again. So as you can see this who slump thing doesn't normally work out for me too well. Therefore I have decided to take a new route to escaping my slump. TRUST trust Trust tRuSt Yes I am equipped with something very special this time around. I have Heavenly Father. And he has a plan. And the only thing i have to do is trust in Him and his path that he has set out for me. So for now I'm in a slump..but its ok..because i will be led out of it on the path that was choosen for me. THE PERFECT PATH. So untill that path leads me to the person i need/want ill keep you updated. Alma 37:36-37