Feelings

Sometimes they suck.

I tend to save things that should really be thrown away. Especially conversations. Those seem to be my favorite tid-bits to hide away and then pull up again. And then suddenly old or new emotions come up. Not to long ago..but long enough to forget..i got in a huge fight with someone. The fight ended in an easy resolution. However, like always, promises weren't fufilled. After 2 years this kind of behavior is expected, but still it is always some what disappointing when a promise is broken. Maybe not broken completely..i guess a better word would be bent. Bent in a way that still leaves hope, but bent to the point that anymore bending will break the promise in 2 and it will no longer be the strong thing it used to be when it was first made. After reading this promise an old emotion came over me, however the reason is different. And becuase of this different reason another emotion is added into the mix. Sadness (or perhaps dispair is a better word) and confusion are taking over my body now leaving me in a half coma: able to move and carry on yet somewhat unaware of everything that is going on around me. I've always hated losing friends. I have a way of really attaching myself to the few good friends i make. So when one of them falls away from me it truly breaks my heart. I haven't been able to have very many long friendships. There are always those people out there that have had a friend or even a group of friends that they've been able to rely on for years. Ya know..childhood friends. But I've never had one of those. My life has taken so many different paths through out the years its hard to find a friend that can stay with me through everything. I've been very lucky the past couple of years to find friends that i believe will be with me forever...for that i am very grateful. But still i feel i am losing some. Especially one in particular. There are certain relationships and bonds you form with people that are just different from the rest. I was fortunate enough to make one of these bonds. But the sadness washes over me as i start to realize that that bond has faded from what it used to be and the confusion kicks in when i ask myself how is happened. But that's life i guess. My friend won't read this..but i want to put it out on the record..for anyone to see..that i wish for my friend (or possibly former friend) to live life to the fullest, i wish happiness, love, fortune, and all the blessings one person can attain. And i hope and pray..no i have a faith that won't be swayed..that one day either in this life time or the next that we will meet again and i will be overwhelmed with the feeling of comfort and love as i embrace the person i used to call My Everything..My Best Friend. I will love you forever, friend, for everything you have done for me and for the bond you have created with me. I hope you know that.