AGGGHHHHH Scary Stuff

Today is my first day of college. GAH! I'm scared out of my mind. Seriously. I hate not knowing people. I hate not knowing where I am. I hate the unfamiliar. But it's only unfamiliar for the first day right. Then you can settle in and be ok. I'm sitting in a small little shaded corner of the building that holds 4 out of my 5 classes. I'm blogging because I have nothing better to do and another 30 minutes to waste untill english. My mouth feels dry, probably from anxiety, and my heart's beating fast, from the excitement of a new start. I'm in college. I'm a freshman in college taking 14 credits so I can start my major and get into the world. I'm not exactly sure what I'm doing and I've had to ask a lot of questions. I was almost late to my first class, but I wasn't the last in. I still have more things to buy, like books and things of the sort, and I have no money to buy it with. My back pack is heavy, but I'm compfortable in an old pair of jeans, a sweatshirt, and flip flops. My hair's in a pony tail and I hardly put any make up on this morning. The only think I've had to eat today was a double chocolate chip frappacino and a slice of lemon loaf from starbucks. I'm begining to realize that I'm not the only one that looks lost. I can see myself reflected in the other wandering students who look like 5 year olds who just lost there mom in the super market. We're all thinking the same thing, that this is scary and we're all alone, and we're all yearning to find someone to laugh with about the fact that this campus is huge and we're lost. No one says anything though. We all sit far away from eachother and look straight ahead and pretend we're not freaking out and we know what we're doing. My toes are cold because it several degrees cooler here in my small shadow comfort zone. I would be much warmer if I moved out to the sun, but then I would be somewhere unfamiliar again. So I'll suffer the cold so I can sit by myself with my laptop and blog. It's a n illusion I'm creating. It makes me look like I'm sitting here with a purpose. it keeps me from looking overwhelmed even though I am. It's my temporary illusion that I'm creating for everyone around me. Sometimes that's all we can do: create illusions. Illusions that we're happy and content, or brave, even if we're not. Soon my second class will be over though and I will walk to my car, get in, and drive away.